tonying

When I was young, and I mean really really young, my dream was that I should have a son at the age of 15, before my high school graduation. My logic is that when I turn 32, my son would be 16, im still young and my son is just getting old, we will be like friends. Bar hopping, talking about girls, drinking buddy, those kind of stuff that barkadas do. I wanted to be a cool dad. This dream did not materialize because of financial reasons. We got broke even before I turn 15, and there’s no way for me to be a teen age dad.

            Its not that my dad was not a cool one, we did had some great time together, but I wanted to be more involve in my future son’s life. I wanted to have a very close family of my own. But now, 14 years after my 15^th birthday, I’m still single. If ill get to impregnate someone this year, by time my offspring turn 16, Ill be 45, not too old to party, but definitely old to be a teen age son’s barkada.

            I have had a few relationships, some of which lasted more than it should, some of which I haven’t get over with till now. There were also a few heartbreaks, each one being a lot painful than the last one. Of course there were also times that I thought I’ve found the one, until the next one comes along. The thought that I’ll be spending the rest of my life with just one woman gives me a chill, its like eating adobo everyday, even if its my favorite dish, too much of it makes me dizzy.

But being a hopeless romantic, I dreamed of being inlove, being really happy with the one that the heavens have destined me to be with. Now, I’m 29, and Im getting tired of waiting for the one for me. Or I’m just really choosy.

Seldom do I talk about my emotional status, my friends know that. Although Im a friendly and blatant person, only a chosen few knows about my affairs. I just don’t kiss and tell that much. Some people even think that Im gay for being single for such a long time, I’m sorry but I like tilapia more than hotdog, and I like it fresh.

I don’t know if I’m just being really really choosy, being extra careful, or have not really found the one for me. My friends are getting married and having children left and right, and I’m still here, 29 years old and single. Its easy to have a relationship, I’m quite a charmer, but its hard to find a lifetime partner.

I always believe in love, I had my share of it, but for me not the kind that will last a lifetime. I might have gone too ideal about love, that maybe the problem. I have let love pass my way a lot of times before and waited for my ideal love to come. Now, right this moment, I am full of regrets. I would have not abandoned my dream. I should have had a son at fifteen. And loved her mother, worked things out, and learn to love her till the very end of my life.

I should have loved more before. Things would have been different. I should have not waited. I should have grabbed love the first time it knocked my door. All those might have beens. Now I’m tired of waiting.